Gagging for it?

First published 2005-2006.

Far be it from me to act the feminist, but I have to say Amnesty International’s recent poll on rape was rather shocking. Whilst a man wearing a fancy watch, talking on a posh mobile phone with his wallet bulging in his trousers, would never be blamed for inciting the temptations of a mugger, a third of people believe that women are partially responsible for being raped – just for flirting or dressing provocatively.

Not an entirely unexpected view in a “she’s asking for it” culture, but still very unnerving. Whilst you could easily flip the results to say that two thirds of society don’t believe that a woman is responsible, it is still evident that a lot more work needs to be done to counter public attitudes towards rape. Sure, we’ve moved on from thirty years ago when the majority would have blamed the woman, maybe we can even feel good about ourselves, but our responsibilities do not stop there.

Even women proved themselves, once again, to be the biggest critics of other women, with more women than men believing the woman is at fault for being dressed provocatively. Just goes to show how jealous and vindictive some women can be.

The problem with these sorts of opinions is that many people confuse probability and responsibility. I could significantly reduce the probability of being killed in a car crash if I never leave my room again. But, I don’t want to be a hermit. I could avert the lustful eyes of men if I wore non-revealing clothes, or I could significantly reduce my chances of being raped if I just became a man. Unfortunately, I don’t want a sex change and I like wearing feminine clothing. So, am I just meant to sit in my room for fear of being raped? Even then, it would only take one cloistered nun or one 80-year-old with limited mobility to be raped to increase my chances of being raped just by sitting in my room.

Both of these events have happened.

It’s a common argument that women need to understand the disgusting ways of men to avoid being raped. If a woman doesn’t “understand the psyche” of a rapist and gets raped, it’s her fault, because, after all, it’s the job of every woman to get inside the head of every potential rapist in the world, and to not do anything that might tweak their particular little rape triggers.

Golda Meir, a former prime minister of Israel, made a brilliant comment when it was suggested that the solution to rape was to keep women in after dark: “But it’s the men who are attacking the women. If there’s to be a curfew, let the men stay at home, not the women.”

No one who offers the excuse that men can’t control themselves ever suggests that controlling their behaviour is the answer. Instead, the solution is always for women to give up their freedom. The suggestion that men should curtail their activities to make women safer never enters discussion; the focus is always on female behaviour. The only explanation for that focus is that no matter what may be said to the contrary, people do blame women for being raped.

Aside from being very anti-feminist, these views are also grossly disrespectful to men. By saying that a woman is at fault for dressing in naughty clothing, these results show that people believe men cannot control their lustful desires, to the point of needing to force themselves upon a woman for showing a bit of leg. I know the age of chivalry has long since flown by, but I certainly don’t believe common decency is dead yet. Not every man is an animal.

As usual, this entire media frenzy has concentrated on opportunist rapists. The unfortunate fact that is ignored is sometimes you get women who are raped by people known to them. Despite what they may or may not have been wearing at the time. They weren’t taking any “risks” and automatically assumed they were in a safe place; they still got raped.

In what way did they ask for that?